31 Oct “Terminal” low points in marriage.
My husband Ray and I recently emerged from a valley. Two solid weeks of courteous but remote cohabitation, tending to our kids and our shared tasks, meanwhile each pondering our fate. A terminal marriage low so low it “felt like” we couldn’t make our way out. Not together anyway. But nothing is terminal with God.
There were no epic betrayals or grievous wrongs, just the more mundane but sometimes massive challenges of two flawed humans walking through the joys and travails of life 24/7, dragging behind us luggage from the past.
I can only speak for myself, but I was scheming fanciful exits, despite my strong convictions that God’s ways are DEFINITELY best, supported by plenty of scientific evidence on the subject of marriage, divorce and the nature (and nurture) of love. The irritating reality that always points back to how I need to change…rather than him…or circumstances. Ouch.
Thank God for an aptly timed women’s retreat and a small circle of trusted Titus friends–older, praying women who listened without judgement and shared their experience. Women who’ve been there; who’ve been married a really long time or who married and divorced, mostly with very good reason. Better reasons than I could conjure up.
But mostly, thank God for God. A God who can miraculously change feelings and hearts. Who whispers for the fog to lift, enabling us to see with his eyes. Who mends hearts. Who keeps shaping us and our marriages for the very best purpose when we trust him. Even when I’m crazed and questioning.
I’ve been here before. I’ve seen God take deeply hopeless situations (and people!) of all kinds and transform ashes into beauty. My only part was handing it to him, often as an act of agonized and unlovely defeat rather than wisdom.
Ray and I are holding hands again. Laughing, hugging, kissing, dreaming again. And yes, addressing some unearthed issues that required intentional attention.
God, please, I want to remember this for next time something looks really bad, but I know I’ll probably forget. Like the Israelites, or the apostles or lots of others since, I’ll forget.
But He always remembers. He always restores. 💗